Introduction
CHAPTER ONE
Hello, Mr. Morning
The Weather, and Why I Don't Like It
The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins (with One Lame Bus Ride)
High School Society Is an Inevitable Torture
Goths, Freshmen, and Ourselves: We Hate Them All

CHAPTER TWO
Dysfunction Junction, What's Your Function?
There Once Was a Girl from Naugatuck
Weird Word List

CHAPTER THREE
Smells Like Homeroom Spirit
Amnesty International Has Lost Its Mind
Fated to Unplanned Transmutation
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 1: The Art of Random Thought

CHAPTER FOUR
Biology Class: My Old Arch-Nemesis
If You're Going to Pay Attention, You Might as Well Take Down the Notes
What My Handwriting, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Jimmy Carter Have in Common
The Metric System: My Other Old Arch-Nemesis
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 2: Life's Great Lessons

CHAPTER FIVE
The D-Wing Pilgrimage
Classroom from Hell...Literally
History Is That Wonderful Thing That Constantly Reminds Us That We Messed Up
World History Was Insane (and So Was the Teacher)
All Work and No Learning Makes a History Class
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 3: Surplus Time Hazards

CHAPTER SIX
Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, It's Off to Personal Health and Fitness We Go!
Prison Ball
All Is Not So Quiet on the Western Front
Pillow-Polo: Welcome to the Sanctum of Abaddon
Fight or Flight? Animal Instincts Take Center Stage
Incredi-Ball
The G.A. Gig
The Pleasantly Enjoyable Experience
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 4: You Can Tell That It Was Written on a Friday

CHAPTER SEVEN
Romeo, oh Romeo...Where the hell are you?
CAPT (Crappy Ass Preparation Test) Practice
CAPTain! We're Breaking Up!
Other English Beguilement
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 5: Televised Wasteland

CHAPTER EIGHT
Lunch
The Real Guidance Department
Moments of Introspection
Ye Olde Track 'n Field
An Event Un-Foulds
How to Deal with Spare Time
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 6: I'm Not Required to Care

CHAPTER NINE
Holy Sh*t...I Just Realized How Much I Hate Math
Algebra, Latin, and Incest: Three Things That You'll Never Need to Succeed in Life
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 7: Yes, You Can Quote Me on That

CHAPTER TEN
Hola! Como estas? (Hi! How are you?)
Yo no estoy de acuerdo! (I disagree!)
Miscellaneous Philosophy - Part 8: Too Many Opinions for My Own Good

THE AFTER CHAPTER
The Bus Ride Home
And Now, a Little Something About Anna (Because I'm Sure She's Anticipating This)
THE Theorem
Sixteen Years in the Life

ABOUT THE AUTHOR