If you happen to find me a little strange, I don't blame you.

If the phrase "live richly"
is near and dear to your heart,
it is to mine, too.

If you think my greatest flaw
is being unable to deal with reality,
you might be onto something.

If you're surprised to learn that my two favorite things
are Code Red and afternoon rains,
well, surprise.

If you happen to hear me break out into song,
in Spanish,
feel free to join in.

If I try to explain the meaning of the universe
with a Dorito metaphor,
please just nod your head in agreement.

If we're still talking
after I make my first impression,
then a miracle has taken place.

If "whatever happens...happens"
happens to be your personal motto,
it happens to be mine as well.

If I declare
"For the love of Buddha!"
that's not really too unusual.

If it boggles your mind that a slacker could write a book,
that a pessimist could be a hopeless romantic at heart,
may I ask why?

If you're traveling on the road to perdition,
and I'm continuing on the path I always have,
chances are we're walking side-by-side.

If, after reading all this,
you think you might have misjudged me,
save your apologies for the eulogy.

I'm really not all that insane,
I'm just a little eccentric.