Haphazard Rhapsody

At long last, the differences between a primary and a caucus explained, and how both are involved in deciding the Republican and Democratic nominees for president of the United States:

A question I sometimes get from friends from outside the United States when they look at the convoluted mess of American electoral politics is, “Why is the American government set up that way?” To clarify for those on the outside looking in: the way Republicans and Democrats choose their nominees has nothing to do with the United States Constitution, which doesn’t say anything one way or the other about political parties. Political parties here are free to choose candidates any way they want. If you want to form a new political party, you could choose a nominee by having candidates bob for apples for all the Constitution cares.

As for how and why our present day political parties have evolved into what they are today?… That’s a much bigger and broader question than I can tackle.

If you found C.G.P. Grey’s explanation of the political process a little cut and dry, here’s a slightly less factual but much more accurate one courtesy of SMBC Theater:

I don’t know where The Dish pulled this from because I haven’t been able to find it featured anywhere’s else on the web, but if true, then this is hilarious.

Apparently the Syrian government put together a short propaganda spot to promote the regime’s strength in the face of ever growing unrest. No idea whether they were running it on television in Syria as part of a wider media campaign or whatnot. The funny part is their choice of music. In opting for something that would denote authority, they went with the Imperial March from Star Wars, a theme song that stands out as being synonymous with pure evil:

No translation available either. Pity. It seems when Arab dictators use Final Cut Pro the results are as much of a cultural faux pas as when parents text.

I know I’m late in getting to this, but I can’t help but note that Herman Cain has suspended his campaign.

Over the last few months I’ve been trying to take his manifold idiosyncrasies–including observations that his immigration policies sound like they were pulled from Stephen Colbert’s book, how his economic policy is identical to that of SimCity’s, how his leadership style is literally cartoonish, and how he leverages his affinity for Pokémon–and spin them as positives.

Alas, this timely political advice was all for naught in the face of a Category 5 sex scandal. Thus Herman Cain decided to announce the suspension of his campaign (he’s not dropping out completely so he can still spend all that money he raised while campaigning) with the line that I think all presidential campaigns should close with: “I believe these words came from the Pokémon movie.”

I’ll let The Daily Show tackle this one:

(Video Here)

On a side note, it’s nice to see The Daily Show writing staff showing off their Poké-knowledge by accurately identifying Slowking as a Slowpoke that has been bitten on the head by a Shellder, whose poison slowly seeps into its brain and thereby provides Slowking with superior intelligence. They lose some points for not realizing that the film from which they’re quoting Mewtwo is actually the first Pokémon movie, whereas Herman Cain is quoting from the Pokémon movie that came after it (and which is arguably the far superior of the two), Pokémon: The Movie 2000.

Good effort though.

As part of an ongoing effort to leverage cultural references he knows nothing about, news outlets are reporting that in response to criticism of Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain’s inability to have an opinion off the top of his head about how President handled Libya, Cain declared, “We need a leader, not a reader.”

Which unfortunately, as TPM notes, matches up a little too closely with the sentiments of the faux president of the Simpson’s Movie:

Note to Cain campaign: work to familiarize candidate with outlandish statements by faux presidents in American satire so as to make a mental note of things not to say out loud. Particularly in response to anything that can be construed as a gaffe that has taken place in front of press cameras.

Also, statements like this one do little to instill confidence in the face of long, baffling silence after being asked a question:

“I’m a much more deliberate decision-maker,” Cain said. “That is a point that I keep coming back to. Some people want to say, well, as President you’re supposed to know everything. No you don’t. I believe in having all of the information, as much of it as I possibly can, rather than making a decision or making a decision about whether I totally agreed, and didn’t agree, when I wasn’t privy to the entire situation. There might be some things that might cause me to feel differently.”

NATO involvement in Libya began eight months ago. Exactly how much time does it take for you to get the information you need to make a decision about whether you agree with something or not? Having opinions about the countries America is or was at war with are pretty much guaranteed to be asked by somebody at some point.

Note to Cain campaign: make sure candidate has information needed to have opinions about stuff. If insufficient time is an issue, remind him that primaries are less than six weeks away.